LOVING OURSELVES...

Loving Ourselves, Loving Each Other—Winning the War on Love Among Us Through Authentic Love and Being Real…


By Brother Tracy Gibson


Let’s be real. There is a Love-War going on among Black people (internally & externally) in the United States. That Love-War is costing us, as Black Americans, lives, opportunity, resources, manpower & goodwill. It is definitely holding us back. It is unnatural for us as Africans and it needs to end and end soon...

What is a Love-War and how are we losing out? We are losing out by interpreting things in a strict Judeo-Christian (Or sometimes Muslim) way like many of our traditional Christian Pastors and Muslim Ministers are doing. The Love-War is about the hatred on the lips & in the hearts & minds of some of our Ministers & Preachers when they talk about an abused & wasted resource in our community—our Black Same Gender Loving (SGL)* people who are still sometimes inappropriately called GAY.

These views and feelings must be differentiated from simple homophobia, but are deeply held and will most likely take generations to correct. They are held internally in our own views as SGL Brothers and Sisters and within the minds of many straight Brothers and Sisters as well.

These negative views of Black SGL people sometimes overlap with negative stereotyping of GAYS in general in North America, but it is possible to clear things up a bit, and I will try here. Also: there are external views held by institutions in North America (such as our judicial system, the media and the United State’s educational system) that are against Black SGL people as well as GAYS in general. Unfortunately, some of those views are grounded and need to be addressed openly in the marketplace of ideas—not ignored or acted out against emotionally.

Many Black SGL people are loving, giving, responsible, church-attending, spiritual, vibrant, employed, working, caring, & emotionally stable. Many are also important factors in our community becoming more viable & resilient to the systematic economic persecution that we as Black people have to deal with everyday. What is Systematic Economic Persecution? Unemployment, homelessness, gentrification, underemployment, hopelessness, lack of education and mis-education are often called issues but are actually part of the system and can be eradicated by us over time, but only if we take the right path as a people… These issues, I contend, are actually a system of Systematic Economic Persecution against our Black community.

Moreover, these ``issues’’ –as some call them--continue to plague us as they are inflicted on us individually (By the Dominant Media, the Judicial system, and other powerful aspects of the political malady called U.S. ``democracy’’ such as the church and our educational system) and on our collective community of Black people—often by some of the same sources...

While those sources of power have remained outside of our control, the solutions to all this institutionally enforced mayhem are like the power of Dorothy’s little red shoes. The solutions are very valuable, but each of us holds them inside us.

The Love-War is also going on in our minds as Black SGL people ourselves because we continue to question ourselves instead of realizing we are a vital part of our Black community and our community’s liberation, and as such, can and do serve as teachers, leaders, pastors (yes Pastors), lawyers & sometimes gifted & respected elders & Black community leaders & organizers.

Our SGL people are sometimes also almost heinous and or over indulgent in their sexual exploits—this does NOT mean they can’t be retrained on a mass level to think differently about their sexuality and it also does NOT mean they can’t be more accessible as financial contributors and volunteers (even in hard economic times). Our progressive churches, and our needy institutions such as, yes, Day Care Centers, churches and our sometimes vital Civic, political and or charitable organizations can benefit greatly from more involvement from and support from Black SGL people.

But the Black community in general has to lay down its arms of hatred, and repugnance to begin to dismiss some of the homo-haters in the news media who love to fan this issue with lighter fluid and foolishness. We have to be real and come together—at least to elect another Democratic President and this time it will be a Black man we will be denying the White House and the Oval Office to if we don’t at least come together to vote in Barack Obama. (Thank God we were able to at least achieve this—now we have to keep the pressure on him to consistently do the right things!!). Now, check that out!! We need the love power (That Jesus talked about, & exemplified so vividly & lovingly in the Bible & through his life & life’s work) to flow through, in and around us before we lose this golden opportunity that is at our front door…. That Golden Opportunity is not just the election of President Obama, but also the will, knowledge and acceptance of the fact that we have to keep the pressure on him at all times to get what we want… That is, those ``issues’’ dealt with in a clear, consistent and concise manner all throughout his first term and (if there is one) his second term.


How do we win this internal and external Love-War among and within our Community? By having enough love to dedicate ourselves towards our collective well being. By ending the persecution of each other---and ourselves--as a body of Black people and as individuals. By having enough love to know that we must heal ourselves before we can heal each other. By stopping the hatred of ourselves and of ANYONE else including Whites or Europeans no matter what they do or lead us to do to ourselves!! How else?--by finding the money to heal ourselves in ways other than begging from that White man and his often destructive system. (Now that’s a big one.!) By having enough nerve and courage and by reaching out enough to understand people within our race who have walked a completely different path than we as individuals might have. By having the knowledge to work towards building an effective internal economy for Black people nationally and by understanding that that economy may have to be physically protected and kept secret for an extended period. We build that love and stop our internal and external Love-War by thinking everyday about our liberation—not just our survival as a consumer class of people. When we are so often guided by the Bling, Bling phenomena (which we partially created and get over excited about), we continue to fail and find ourselves manipulated as we fall over ourselves questing for false riches. By knowing this whole process is going to take generations, not just years, we become empowered. By being willing to work towards understanding and knowledge WE ARE ALSO EMPOWERED!! These steps are keys to our lasting empowerment.

All that sounds like just a bunch of lofty theoretical ideas, but we know that ideas are very powerful things. All of us were an idea at the outset—either in the front or back of our parent’s minds—even if we are the result of rape, incest or a joining without the advent of a plan or matrimony. The small kernel of an idea was there, I believe, early on. Everything originated as an idea.

How do we grasp onto these ideas in some small, workable way and make all this as easy as walking and talking? That is what we must do and I think almost all of us Black folk in the U.S. are already doing this to an extent. Spike Lee told us 20 years ago to ``Do The Right Thing’’ and many of us have been. It just isn’t getting through to us over mass media that that IS what we are doing. Yes, we still kill, rob, hate and abuse each other. But we also love one another in many, many different ways. Who do you call when you are in crisis? Probably a family member or close Black friend regardless of whether he or she is straight or Same Gender Loving.

I hope you will log onto my Web page (or read, share and buy this book) and discover how to get involved and at what level to begin to make a difference for each of us individually and as a race of hard working, loving people. We are not all misguided and hopeless. We can be and many of us are already most of the things we should be—responsible, hard working, loving, reliable, educated, tactful, religious and or spiritual, focused, intelligent and did I say HARD WORKING!! Don’t let anyone tell you that Black people don’t work hard!! Check out WWW.BTGANDA.COM and awaken your dreams as they become reality.

Finally, remember, hatred, along any lines (even reactive hatred) & discrimination against GAY or SGL people like that held by much of the ``larger’’, mostly White American social order does not work well for Africans on the Continent of Africa nor African Americans in regards to Black SGL people—regardless of what people like even a Farrakhan want us to believe. My theory is that Black people are acting out learned behavior, not ``being real’’ when they hate. The two aspects (hatred of Black SGL people among Blacks and hatred of GAYS among Whites) are NOT at all parallel—except on the surface. But the general media is not going to analyze this because they don’t want to and don’t even know how to. They make too much profit from keeping the heated debate going. Even our so-called liberal education system is too stuck in Judeo-Christian thought to break away from Homo-hatred and think outside the box as is often needed to survive as a sane person in American culture. Being anti-human, hateful & discriminatory is NOT African in spirit or nature. Black SGL people can also be ethical & helpful to our struggle as a people, but we have to put down the weapons of war such as persecution, hatred, & discrimination while building those sometimes not-so-easily constructed bridges of hope, Justice & understanding. It ain’t easy, but it’s got to be done.


* En explanation of SGL (Or the Same Gender Loving Lifestyle). White, American and or European Gay people have a separate economic base in many communities that consist of an exclusionary grouping of White homosexuals that sustains itself in housing, employment and social settings. These groupings are often headed by White homosexual males—and some White lesbians-- who benefit economically from such groups. Very few Black people who are SGL are allowed to enter this privileged private club and private economic existence. Black SGL people are often welcomed into their own Black families more and allowed to thrive inside and outside of their Back families in separate Black SGL groupings such as social groups, church groups, Civic Organizations, support groups and such. These Black SGL groupings have very little—but sometimes growing—economic power among themselves. Black SGL people are very often much better off organizing among themselves and within the Black community than among White gays who do NOT have their best interest at heart. The term Same Gender Loving is a more folksy, community oriented and generally accepted term (from the West Coast of the United States) that helps stimulate conversation and develop bridges and relationships that will be harder to organize around and relate to and with by using the term GAY. SGL is getting to be a more accepted term among us as Black people. Plus, the down low syndrome has caused men who have sex with men and who are Black to NOT want the term GAY applied to them. Such men are often bi-sexual and or just adverse to White Gay culture which they find obtuse to their innate spiritual African existence. They and other SGL Blacks often find the term GAY and Queer to be excessive, exclusive, dividing, odd, racist, discriminatory & closed socially & economically. They are terms that don’t build bridges in our community and we need bridges. Many everyday SGL Black men and women have this same view of Gay American & European culture that is held by the dominate Black community—yet they (We SGL Brothers and Sisters) still exist among and within our community. It is important to differentiate these views from basic, blanket charges of homophobia because some of these views against GAY White culture are legitimate and well grounded. For example, many White GAYS live in an exclusive, wealthy, racist world and have little use for reaching out and creating ``diversity.’’



[The Writer wants to thank the countless authors of many Black books, his therapist, his parents, friends and other family members and his other independent reading as well as God for giving him the life experience to formulate this article and many others.]